This blog is focused on my son. He is a first grader. He just turned 7 years old. Bright eyes, dirty blonde hair, lanky little boy. My boy.
Since the time he started talking he was beyond his years. He told jokes that only the adults laughed at and kids looked on with confusion. He loves to be silly. And loves attention. He is also very smart. He excels in reading and math and is learning so much so quickly.
With that being said, we have had and still have some struggles. I spent his kindergarten year crying myself to sleep I'm pretty sure most of the time. He was the boy that poked the one in front of him in line or played to rough on the playground. He's been the boy that couldn't stand still at basketball practice or was twirling in circles on the field at baseball. The one who didn't get a party invitation because was so rowdy at school kids didn't want him around. He nearly lost out on playing baseball, and spent many evenings with no tv at home. Teachers and coaches dreaded the extra attention he required, because it took away from the ones that were listening. Boy, that was even rough to type. But that was my reality. For 2 years, at least. For those who didn't know me, or don't know me I'm sure the comments came "what's going on at home?", "that boy needs an a$& whooping", "just stay away from him, he's trouble". I understood at times, and other times i didn't. he isn't a cusser, or evil, or picking fist fights. his main issues have and will always be....impulse control....someone pokes him....he pokes harder. someone calls him stupid, he calls it back LOUDER.....but he's not the son of satan...he isn't the next school bomber....he is a Scrappy, strong willed, life of the party, rambunctious BOY. He has that , what i call "working class blood" running through him. works hard, plays hard, plays rough. Well, don't judge a book by its cover. Dig deeper, have compassion. This is his story.
Through pre-k I got calls almost weekly....Dillon won't listen, Dillon was poking someone in line, Dillon pushed someone on the playground. I would sit at work and just cry....I lost focus, I vented on social media...grasping for help. Grasping for advice. My friends would giggle "he's just a boy momma, I've got one too". Grandparents would wonder why all the calls, "is it warranted after every little issue to call?". I even had a time where he got into it with a girl in the after school line and my mom was there to pick him up and had an assistant look at her and say "he is nothing but trouble, all day, everyday". That was what I feel was my "oh my God, please help me moment...." I prayed harder than I've ever prayed, please God...please help me. Am I being a bad mom? Why doesn't anyone like my child! What can I do!!!! And my friends and family still would say "momma he's just a boy",
Can I even explain the thoughts I've had?
"Is it me?"
"Am I failing?"
"Does everyone hate my child?"
"Will he ever have friends?"
"All the parents hate him"
"He's talked about by others"
"He's labeled"
Well this momma couldn't continue....I had to make sure I was making every effort to fix this for him and for our family.... Off to the pediatrician we went. Could it be, does he have ADHD? Do I want a label like this attached to my child? Oh no, and medication....he will not take medication. These people just don't know how to be around a rambunctious boy. Is this an easy out for a bad behaving child? He may as well wear a stamp on his head if they diagnose him. Everywhere we go, everything we do they will say "he has ADHD, I can't handle him".
We followed all the tests from our doctor. We filled out papers, his teachers filled out papers, guidance counselors filled out papers, we did a sleep study. We didn't just go and get medicine. And I knew before we went, he would not take a stimulant....we weren't going to have a drugged Zombie child. Because no matter how hard some felt he was to control he was still a human, my child, my son. He had emotions to express, energy to burn, dirt to play in. I would not have a drugged 6 year old. And my doctor listened, he understood. We put him on the lowest dose of a non-stimulant medication. I cried when I looked at the script....I sat in my car and prayed God was leading me in the right direction. I called my mom and cried some more. Giving him that first pill wasn't easy...or the next....or the next. It's been a year. It's still not easy. But the days we forget.....I am reminded why he takes it. He can't focus at school, he can't focus at home. It's like Those days are my reminder that we made the right decision.
I still see the eyes and hear the whispers. I know no matter where he is or what he is doing he is being watched. People wait on him to get out of line, talk when he's not supposed to. At times I feel like he's that boy that some parents use his name to feel like they have raised theirs right and I have not. Maybe it's all in my head, maybe not.
But with all that being said I've watched him grow so much this last year. He graduated from the bad behavior program at school, he soared at every soccer game this year scoring more goals than I can count. He is scoring above and where he needs to be in school. And he is making friends. Good friends. He hangs his own laundry up, yes he does. He can put thousand piece Lego sets together like they are nothing. He cries at sad parts on movies. He gets scared at night and wants to snuggle. He makes cards and tells us how pretty we are and how much he loves us. He wants to save every animal he sees in the cold. He opens doors for strangers and looks up to his big sister. He blushes when he talks about cute girls. And helps me every time he is asked, he does so many great things that soooo many don't point out because his bad or funny behaviors have been the focus so long.
Is he perfect? Oh no....never will he be. But is he a good kid with a good heart! Absolutely. He is going to have kids he will butt heads with, he is going to get in trouble. He is going to throw dirt, play rough. And while I will guide him,, I also will remember....."he is just a boy"
